I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
