I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
"it" just moved
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
