I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
