Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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