I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
