you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
