Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
