that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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