I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
