About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
