Will you blow on my dice?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
