I hate your face
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i think im in europe. pls send help
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
