I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
