If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
