i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
