And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
