she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
