Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
