I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
