at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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