We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
