I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
