I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
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