The maid of honor just puked.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
