So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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