GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
