Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
