i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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