My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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