Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
