Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
