I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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