I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
