Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
