your room smells of hookers.
And success
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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