umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize