Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
