remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
