Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When are your genitals available?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
