We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
