I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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