The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
