did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
