There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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