after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
