I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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