i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
