he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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