This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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