i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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