How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
