Cold hands, warm shart.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She's the barista slut.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize