I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
