I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
