Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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