Sry I called you an 8
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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