When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
