she was so not down for the gang bang
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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