I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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