we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
