dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
