I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
