How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize