he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
