Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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