Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
