belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
