i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
