none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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