Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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