In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
